Here I sit at my computer waiting for my coffee to finish. Girls are still in bed and my mini man is playing in his playpen. I find I wake up with a heart ache every morning. I am not supposed to wake up to an empty space beside me, and every morning I do. But as the day goes on, it is so incredible busy that I don't usually have time to think about being on my own. That is until its time to go to bed and lay beside that empty place that is not supposed to be empty. Maybe I will let my dog start sleeping on his side of the bed?
Anyways....Gary and I are now legally separated. Its kinda hard to wrap my head around that one. I mean, I know that I am doing what is right by going forward with the separation but my heart is screaming, " I never asked for this! This is not what I want for our life, but how will I ever trust again!!" I do find I have an amazing amount of peace in my life right now and the kids and I are getting use to this new life...there are no more tears about daddy moving out and the insane hard to answer questions have stopped. My house is still driving me crazy and I wish that it was finished. That still makes me want to move. I guess that having concrete floors for 3 years is starting to get to me! And I can't do all the work that needs to be done....I know I'm good, but not that good!! Gary has been helping as much as he can to try and get the house done but it is hard because he has to work so much.
I am learning to take one day at a time and am really focusing on my amazing kids and on myself! I didn't even know I still had a "myself"! She has been gone for a LONG time!!! One thing I am doing for myself is pursuing my photography. My sister and I are starting to step out and are going to see where it takes us. We both stay at home with our kids and need to make some money doing it. Alisha has training in the digital end of the pictures so we make a really good team! We are setting up a temporary web page and I am going to actually start charging to do peoples pictures. I know, I can hear my mother and mother-in-law saying "ITS ABOUT TIME YOU START CHARGING!" Here is the link to the site. http://throughhiseyesphotography.blogspot.com
Well, my children are waking up and the morning routine is a little crazy around here so I better go!
Kindergarten!
11 years ago
3 comments:
I woke up this morning, kinda grumpy- you know having been up 10+ times in one night (no exaggeration) can wear on you- Even though when Brett got home from his night shift, and let me 'sleep in' for about 20 minutes, I still felt ripped off (from sleep) Its silly I know! And then I pull myself together, make a coffee and read your precious blog. I cried. Damn it I am still crying. YOU ARE SO AMAZING TASH! Such an inspirations to SOOOO MANY. You honestly have NO idea! I just wanted you to know that you made my day (most likely my week) with you beautiful transparency. Thanks again for sharing- and I won't feel grumpy again for not getting 'enough' sleep with my three youngins- I'll just think of you doing it on your own with 5- and with SUCH an amazing attitude.
You are LOVED- in my thoughts and prayers
sanna*
p.s I am so excited for you and Lish! ITS ABOUT TUME!!!
Awww...I didn't mean to make anyone cry! Thanks for your encouragement Sanna....It means alot to me:) And thanks for all your prayers!!
Tash, I think of you often and know that you are in "Great Hands". I will keep the needs of your heart in my prayers.
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